This fall I attended a class on how to add the sexy times to my writing.  I sat next to an 80-year old man, and we both blushed the entire time.  I have a bedroom-door-closed rule on Road to Joy.  I open it some from time to time in my books.

But, still, I had never tried my hand at something…dirtier…sexier…more erotic.

The woman who taught the seminar said that one of her best friends writes erotic romance, or erotica.  She described her friend as a normal suburban housewife by day, but said that the sex scenes in her books could curl your toes and your eyelashes.

Hmmm…could I do that?  Would I want to do that?  I wasn’t sure.  It would seriously stretch my boundaries.

That’s why I am so thrilled to announce the completion of my first novel of erotica:

Lube & Anal Beads is a carnal romp through the not-so-virginal island of St. Marcos.  For more information on the book, click here, as the contents are too sexual for Road to Joy.

Wait…did some of you actually believe me?  Tee he he he hehehehehehe.  You clicked, didn’t you?  Didn’t you??  Gotcha!  You will, I promise, never see any erotica from me.  But I do want to share how the image, above, came to be.

Here is gorgeous cover for the Road to Joy subscribers’ ebook of my award winning novel, Leaving Annalise:

Graphic artist/writer/PRANKSTER Heidi Dorey sent me Lube & Anal Beads and said it was a mere enhancement of Leaving Annalise.  I fell for it, too.  And I laughed until tears rolled down my face. Please, if someone knows what anal beads are, keep it to yourself, I’d like to remain blissfully ignorant.

Now, I’m sure the Lube & Anal Beads pretend book will haunt me for the rest of my life…

Meanwhile, don’t forget:

With every EMAIL subscription to Road to Joy in November, you will receive a free e-book of my (multiple) award winning debut novel, Leaving Annalise.  If you are already a subscriber and want a copy, I’m a softie so please email me: pamela@pamelafaganhutchins.com.  If you are not yet a subscriber, well, don’t just sit there playing with yourself (I swear my father still says this to my brother and me), enter your email over on the right hand column of this screen.  Then forward me your final confirmation or the first Road to Joy email you receive, and I will email you the book.

Pamelot

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34 Responses to My first attempt at erotica. Whoa.

  1. Lube and Anal Beads! OMG. Just spit my coffee all over the keyboard. Too fabulous!

    You got me.

    Thanks for the chuckle!

    Terri

    • Pamela says:

      Theresa, Heidi is so amazingly funny. I’m running a short story by her on Wednesday/tomorrow. I think you will love it, from what I can tell knowing you all of one month online 😉

  2. Christina says:

    This is going to open up a whole new world of SEO possibilities for your blog.

  3. Irene says:

    Think. ANAL BEADS…..pretty self explanatory. Heightens the “climax” when relegated. Sorry, but I had to tell you. You’re now one more step away from writing your book. And I think you should! Just change your name. No one will know the difference!

    I have my own slut novel. It’ll never be published as long as the characters in the story are still alive. Even if they die, I still can’t publish it.

    • Pamela says:

      Now I’m LOLing
      My father is an emergency room physician, and he tells the funniest stories about things people come to the emergency for, and objects lodged accidentally in the rectum … long list… i try not to laugh…but I do.
      And YOU crack me up

    • Pamela says:

      I would have to change my name. If I did, maybe I could write it. I think I’m creatively blocked in this genre by being ME.

      I’m impressed you wrote one, even if it never see publication!

  4. Eric Hutchins says:

    The hits from random online sex searches are going to go through the roof.
    And Heidi is twisted.
    And that was hilarious.

  5. Ann Brennan says:

    I thought you might have lost your mind but this is the second time you had me spitting out coffee this morning.

  6. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Eric Hutchins, Eric Hutchins and Eric Hutchins, PamelaFaganHutchins. PamelaFaganHutchins said: New blog post: My first attempt at erotica. Whoa.: http://t.co/pu3xUjV #makingmomproud […]

  7. Stephanie Swindell says:

    Ok, so I read it… “Lube and Anal Beads”?>>>> WHAT?!!!!! I need my glasses…. I didn’t see that right?!! NOOO?, it does say Lube and Anal Beads! HOLY CRAP!… then a sigh of relief that you were pulling one over on me! You got me!
    BTW, I believe you COULD write erotica. Of course not with that title… and probably an alias. But you could do it.
    I will tell you from my experience as a book dealer. Most erotica sells better on the internet. I did have some little old ladies that would throw in one or two in between the Nora Roberts and Fern Michaels books they were buying… but most women buy them on amazon, alibris, etc. Privately. Amarillo women dont want everyone to know they are tigers in the bedroom! heeheehee ;o)

    • Pamela says:

      STephanie, I love that! I don’t know if I could. But I think if I took Irene’s suggestion, changed my name, and just had a sense of humor about it, maybe I could. Dunno. But I do know that I have had a few people drop me on FB fan page today, and I suspect it is the title of this blog. And that makes me laugh harder. I can’t help it. Heidi’s Lube & Anal Beads” just absolutely tickled me.

  8. You totally got me!!! I downloaded your Ebook, but haven’t had time to start reading. Looking foward to it, though! WOOHOO!

    p.s.. I think I’d be good at writing soft porn. LOL

  9. Pamela says:

    Ha ha! You’ll be searching in vain to find any mention of lube or anal beads 🙂 But there’s always the sequel…
    And, I have read your short stories and I KNOW you would be good at it!

  10. Pamela says:

    WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS WHEN MS HEIDI DOREY IS GOING TO COMMENT IN THIS STRING??? 🙂

  11. Heidi Dorey says:

    Hey! Sorry ’bout that!
    I’m trying to be mysterious…
    I love this blog entry and I love that
    you and I made people spew coffee.

    And I know of an Emergency room story…about “misplaced” old TV tubes.
    And since the story has probably already
    played out in your head, I don’t need to tell it.
    Isn’t the imagination wonderful? 😉

  12. LBDDiaries says:

    Guess what? I skipped over the click here link ’cause I thought, “There is NO way on this earth she would do that so this has to be a joke of some kind” – and was justified in the next paragraph – phew! You didn’t even skeer me ’cause I could not imagine you taking it out of the bedroom in any form since everyone learns of aliases and pseudonyms sooner or later. This was such a hysterical post (but I can understand why you lost FB people – remember, when we introduced the 30 days intimacy series, I lost all sorts of people. I’m glad. I don’t want judgmental people or those without a sense of humor anywhere near me…) Hmm does that make ME judgmental???

    • Pamela says:

      I’m not sure if it makes you judgmental or not, but if it does, it is in a way I appreciate, so…I’m right there with you, sister!
      Yes, I fear that nothing is anonymous anymore. Which isn’t such a problem if your career is secure, a la Anne Rice, but not so great if you aren’t an established author yet and want to be known for mainstream writing. I’ve tried to write sex scenes. It’s hard for me.

      • LBDDiaries says:

        My problem anymore is that I skip over the sex scenes in most books because they either make me roll my eyes (I mean, really, how many ways can you describe his throbbing *#*#((#*???) – I asked AH if his throbbed and his thought was that if it was, you’d better go to the doc ’cause you probably picked up something. Bwahahahahahaha OR they are just plain porn and I’m not interested in that in my romance books. I’m still of the old school “From Here to Eternity leave ’em with their imagination” type.

  13. Heidi Milton says:

    This is hilarious!! I was sitting on the fence about clicking and while I was pondering, happened to scroll down to the “Gotcha!” Anyway you can track how many people actually click??? 😛

    • Pamela says:

      I can’t — I could have, I thought about it, I could have made it a link to a graphic that said “GOTCHA”, and then it would have tracked it, but at the last second I took pity on people. Maybe I won’t be so sweet next time, because it would be funny. I’ve had people confessing to me on twitter — I clicked! I clicked! 😉

  14. Peter says:

    Haven’t run across anal beads, but once I had a guy with a mayonnaise jar come into the emergency room.

    “Dr. Dad”

  15. Ally says:

    Okay, that was hilarious. I, for the record, did NOT click!! Only because I decided to read the rest before doing so… hahaha

    I got a copy of your e-book, read the first few pages, and now can’t wait to sneak off and find some quiet time to read…

    • Pamela says:

      Ha ha 🙂 I’m laughing again. I really think I’m going to laugh for days. I’m considering blowing it up and framing it. For those moments when you get full of yourself, ya know?
      Hope you enjoy the book — feedback welcome. I’m sending it back out to the agents that are reviewing it in about 2 weeks. Gives me time to lay hands on it, sing kumbaya to it, and sneak in any last brilliant improvements!

  16. […] Well, if you’d quit thinking about lube & anal beads, you’d get more […]

  17. Nikkolish says:

    I seriously LOVE your sense of humor! I’d say I’m pretty decent at talking dirty when I want to be, but I’m not sure I could ever share that with the world. For the record, I think Lube and Anal Beads is such a fantastic name for a novel…definitely would generate some interest. =] Thanks for a good laugh tonight!

    • Pamela says:

      You are welcome…and I agree about the book cover! I’m thinking of how to drop the expression lube & anal beads into my current novel. I have an idea….we’ll see 🙂

  18. […] I knew this picture sucked, but I never knew how much until it inspired Heidi to photoshop it into a mug shot.  THANKS A LOT, friend. […]

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