Querulous? I'll show YOU querulous. You haven't SEEN querulous until you've seen a querulous smiley-face.

People accuse me of perkiness, usually people who know me only at arms length, mind you.  And those that forget I am 43 years old.  Perkiness is a youthful thing, if you ask me.

Those that know me well call me more accurate and less flattering names.  I’m a challenge, a tiger, the General, overly dramatic, moody, emotional, a werewolf. Sometimes people say I am driven, goal oriented, type A, a little OCD.  My closest peeps know that I am reclusive and borderline anti-social.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say agoraphobic, but I hate to venture out of my house unless it’s with my husband.  When he’s not around, I can go days on end without leaving the sanctuary of my carefully arranged tower of pillows that form the chair back to the chair bottom provided by my mattress.

I digress.

No one describes me as querulous.  Yet, as I click these keys, querulous I undoubtedly am.

By now, your eyes have gone all glazy hazy, your french vanilla coffee is lukecold and no longer wafts its pleasing aroma your way, and you’re asking yourself how many times you will come back to this blog if I am not going to make you pee your pants with laughter.  I get it.  I will re-institute a “make them pee” blog standard soon.

Not today.

Today, I am full of self-doubt and self-disgust.  I’m fat-ish, and the process of de-fattifying is long and unpleasant — I’m midway down this path.  I have started teaser runs of 1.1 miles that have me worrying the bit in my teeth but hobbled by the ever-present pain in my foot, with my mind demanding that I keep it slow, so that there will be a someday, a next marathon, a future Ironman, a so-so-so-so-so badly craved trail ultra (no, no trail ultra).  I was horrible to my wonderful husband last weekend, who deserves only the best from me on past credit alone.  We are cash strapped, which traps me into a higher profile wage earner role than we had hoped.  I don’t dislike my job.  I just hate the pressure.  And I haven’t written a word in my novels since November.  Not a word.

And…

And… (here comes the boom)

I want to quit “trying to be a writer”.

I do.  I want to hide the books in a drawer.  I want to close down the blog.  I want to crawl back into the cave I emerged from a year ago when I warbled out in a twangy voice that cracked on the third word, “I’m a writer, y’all.”

I took this after I wrote this post. You know it's a bad day when my sleepy sheep pj's don't comfort me out of my funk.

I honestly do not know if I have it in me.  I look at what I have produced so far, and I am clueless if I can ever make it good enough that people pay to read it.  I don’t know.  I can’t see the forest, the trees, the leaves, the stems, or the bark anymore.  None of it.

I have a pile of rejections.  Altogether, I have probably sent out 80 queries on my books.  I don’t have an agent.  I’ve won a couple of contests, but that didn’t open a single door, to my huge disappointment.  The publishing industry is in the gutter, with Border’s expected to announce bankruptcy soon.  (And I pray they don’t)  Yes, I know editors/publishing companies aren’t buying, agents aren’t selling, and writers are stuck wondering whether to hold out for the traditional route or self-publish.  I know it’s not just me — I have a friend who has made it a step further than me, a friend who writes kick ass young adult books, who has an agent that believes in her … and has two books that failed to sell to a publisher, crushing her heart like a stink bug under a boot heel — but my God this sucks.

The agent I’ve corresponded with, spoken on the phone with (her call to me), and dined with (at the invitation of our local Writers’ Guild) I’ve recently learned has a reputation for stringing people along.  I don’t know if it is true, but I feel that way about my personal situation.  I have two other agents holding a manuscript.  One has had it since August, the other since October.

NOT.A.WORD.FROM.EITHER.OF.THEM.  And I’m too scared to follow up.

I sent out the latest 20 (included in the 80, above) query letters last week.  I’ve received two polite form rejections.  I may never hear from the other 18.  Out of the 80 queries, I’ve only received 10 rejections, anyway.  Mostly, I hear nothing at all.  This is par for the writer’s course.  But I don’t care.  I don’t want it to happen to ME.

See?  I am querulous.  Whiny.  Peevish.  Fretful.  I’d add to that unappreciative, since I know, relatively speaking, how much success I’ve enjoyed, in such a short time.  Yep, I admit it.  Ungrateful.  Lacking in appreciation for my blessings.

Tetchy.  Waspish.  Petulant.

I wrote a really wonderful, positive post recently.  I meant every word of it.  The power of looking for the positive in others is my bedrock.  Someone wonderful (Blair Newberry of Austin) shook me up in the comments, though.  She applied it to how we think about ourselves.  I KNOW.  She is right.  And I will return to that state of being, eventually.  Soon even.

Not today.

Time for a hot soak, and a book written by an author who has succeeded where I have not.  Or a bike ride on the trainer to burn the demons out of me.

Or not.

Deep heaving sigh.

Just ignore me.  I’ll right the ship tomorrow.

Pamelot

p.s.  OK, here’s the truth.  Eric’s out of town.  He’ll be gone for most of the next three weeks.  I know this plays a part in my flagging confidence.  Pooooo poooooo.

p.p.s.  I can no more stop writing than I could cut my index fingers off with a butter knife.  I love every moment I spend writing.  I AM a writer.  But a writer striving to publish?  Argh. The cave looks inviting.  And private.  Pain-free.  Eric, see what happens when you take my sunshine away?

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55 Responses to Feeling rather querulous.

  1. Well, missy, I don’t have to tell you that we all love you. But I will. WE ALL LOVE YOU. And you will deal with this and move on. And Eric will be home in a few weeks and you will be smiling. AND this is my feeble attempt to connect and say I’m awfully glad you are you. Mushy huh?

    Terri

    • Pamela says:

      You are the sappy one ha ha. Yes, mushy. And I will just have to quit this f*cking pity party, and dig in the well. I have a new book idea for a sullen pregnant teenage daughter and her ghetto boyfriend transplanted into nowheresville texas by the well meaning mama, where life beats the shit out of them for awhile (mom daughter relationshipy) and an unlikely hero arrives on the scene to join our joint heroines. lots of crackhead possums and rabid feral pigs and drunk rednecks. i want to do stephen king meets jodi picoult 😉

  2. adena says:

    My dear beautiful lean and fit best writer in the universe friend. I have no words of wisdom and even if I did my grammar and typing would be so terrible you would stop reading halfway through. I do know a thing or two though. You are an amazing writer. I believe I told your husband that i hit the mother load of funny when i first read this blog and then I found entries that broke my heart and lifted me up. I love all these parts of you. You are absolutely entitled to have moments of doubt, we all do plus the world of publishing and writing is extra brutal but dont ever forget how amazing you are. Keep moving forward, even if you do it in your jammies. Those jammies rock by the way.

    If you need anything, please holler. I totally heart you.

    • Pamela says:

      These jammies do rock
      And so does Ann Brennan. Are you a tweep? I rode like a made woman just now on my trainer trying to equal her 30 in 1:25.00, and she nipped me out.
      But it helped my frame of mind.
      *big sigh*
      Must get up tomorrow with a new brain.
      Thank you, Adena, my coolest soon-to-70.3-Canada tweepy blogger friend!

  3. Nikki says:

    Hey, you! I thought I used up all the self-pity Texas had for January? LOL I gotta throw a bigger pity party next time – and I’ll invite you. Just being around you is enough to brighten my day – I hope I can brighten yours.
    You are not fat, so get to some sort of body-image class or something. Puh-leeze. Look at me!!! I’m the fattest aerobics instructor in Austin! LOL
    You are a wonderful writer. Your day will come – if you persevere. (I wrote a blog post on resolve recently. You gotta have mad skillz in this biz, PLUS resolve to stick with it through the shizzit. Bc there’s a lot of ickiness to wade through.) You got the skillz, Pammy. Resolve? Only you know that.
    Email me sometime – or call. I’d love to chat about when I’m coming back to Houston. 😉 Maybe we can hang?

    • Pamela says:

      Let’s hang! And you rock the zumba (I don’t even know whaqt zumba is ha ha)
      But I did just rock the bike for 30 miles in my living room at 20 mph, and that makes me feel like i can climb a frickin mountain.
      I read your resolve post. I need to kick my self in the ass.
      I think part of my pity party is that I hoped not to be working full time this year.
      POOEY on working
      POOEY

  4. Heidi Dorey says:

    If I lived near Houston I would have gotten
    only part of the way through this post.
    I would have grabbed my keys, picked up
    some naughty food (Haagen-Daz, etc) and raced over.
    Diet? What diet?
    Pffft!

    Hey, turn around.
    It’s me.
    I’m in the boat with you.
    Not that it makes that much difference,
    but I know what it feels like.
    In fact, if I took MY pic right now,
    I’d look like I’d taken my mugshot, too.
    (I’m gonna turn yours into one.
    Sorry…can’t help it.)

    I have sooo much complaining I need to do.
    I’m ready to commiserate if you wanna.

    Positive things about Pamela:
    (in no particular order)
    1. She’s a great friend
    2. She’s funny
    3. She’s a great writer
    4. She’s a great beta reader
    5. She gives good advice
    6. She’s pretty (see above)
    7. She’s generous with her time and energy
    8. She’s kind
    9. She’s affectionate
    10. She’s loyal
    11. She’s a hard worker
    12. When she puts her mind to it, she makes it happen
    13. She’s a great mom/wife
    14. She’s genuine
    15. She’s athletic
    16. She’s silly
    17. She doesn’t run from her flaws, but works on them
    18. She’s understanding
    19. She’s open to new ideas
    20. She’s honest

    I dare you to write 20 more about yourself.

    You’ll be okay, and you know it.
    You’ll get published, and we know it.

    I’ll be glad to kick your ass for you.
    If you’ll kick mine.

    • Pamela says:

      I knew it was your fault — if you had lived in Houston like I want you too, I’d be a little fatter but over this shit by now. Way to go, Heidi. Drop the damn ball.
      However, just because of your way too sweet list, I forgive you.
      I have your comment linked in my next blog on this look for the positive topic, by the way. Kinda cool you can link straight to a comment (the one about Kim’s birthday).
      So, I’m thinking if no paying work comes in before the end of day tomorrow, I may work on an outline/synopsis of the new idea, which, in the comment above to Terri, I am calling my Jodi Picoult/Stephen King cross type of work. That’s what I have in mind. Of course my unfinished Grace is mocking me.
      And I am supposed to write a damn query letter on Kona, but I seem incapable.
      Oh crapola. This started out as a positive happy thank you comment showing energy toward new projects, and I feel myself sliding down the muddy slope, like in Romancing the Stone where Kathleen Turner and Michael Douglas are in the forest with the bad guys chasing them, right befoer they find the crashed drug plane? Remember that scene? That’s my brain right now.
      Ugh.
      Goodnight, dear friend. And send me your nano chapters. I need to read someone else’s writing instead of my own!

    • Pamela says:

      OMG it’s my Lindsay Lohan DUI shot. I just “saw” it. Work your magic, Dorey. But can you please make the pitifully depressed black circles under my eyes bigger, darker, and kind of wrinkly, so I can nail the pitiful part better? I think I was a couple of degrees off perfection, there.

  5. Eric Hutchins says:

    You ROCK! Nuff said

  6. Ally says:

    Okay, those jammies do kind of rock.
    I feel at least part of your pain. I’m craving, longing, for that feeling of the long run. My foot won’t allow it, and every time I think it’s getting better it acts up a little like it’s sticking it’s tongue out at me to let me know it’s still there. I haven’t really gained weight, but I’m softer, have less energy and am missing my runner’s high. I just don’t get it from strength work outs or even the bike trainer. It just doesn’t compare. Frankly I’m almost anti-social myself and we are totally cash-strapped, with my husband having been laid off two years ago and not having had full time employment since. Which leaves me feeling the pressure of bringing in more money than we thought I’d have to. I can’t relate to the book thing… cause I haven’t gotten off my lazy butt to write the one that’s been swirling in my head for years. Nah, I’m not feeling sorry for myself or asking you to, but I love reading your blog, and I think once you have your “other half” back you’ll snap right back. Don’t give up! Stick with it! YOU CAN DO IT! And cut yourself a break, because we all have those dips in life. Take care!
    Ally recently posted..Recent Quotes I Could Live Without

    • Pamela says:

      I am not the only one who should be sleeping and isn’t around here! Isn’t it poop wanting to get out and let your feet eat up some ground, and they won’t let you? I don’t get the same thing from biking or running, altho after I posted this I got on the bike and rode a hard, fast 30 miles…it was nice…it was better…it WASN’T the same.
      We are going to pray your husband into a working situation this year that makes him happy, satisfies more of the financial goals, and frees you up from the tie to work that you have now. Cash-strappedness sucketh. It sucketh big time.
      Thanks Ally. You are a sweetie.

  7. LBDDiaries says:

    Remember that long comment you posted the other day – the one that you felt was longer than my original post? Well it is time to get even – but it’s not me, it’s something I read recently which perfectly fits (of course, it can’t help with Eric’s absence). I think it should give you the oomph to keep on keeping on with the writing because I gotta tell you, if I don’t get to read the sequel to Leaving A, I’m going to have to take negative action that may or may not involve whips and chains. You may have sell e-books just so we can buy them and read your amazing stories. OK, here is my contribution:

    -Jack London’s first story was rejected over 500 times.
    -Stephen King’s first novel, Carrie, was rejected 30 times, so he threw it in the trash.
    -27 publishers turned down Dr. Seuss’s first book.
    -Charles Schultz was turned down for a job by Walt Disney. Schultz later created Peanuts.
    -Most of Emily Dickenson’s poems remained in her desk drawer during her lifetime.
    -Edison failed at least a 1000, if not 10,000 times, designing a light bulb that would work.
    -Elvis Presley was told to go back to truck driving.
    -Van Gogh sold one painting in his lifetime, to a friend, for not much money.
    -Beethoven’s teachers thought he was hopeless.
    -A crowd ran the composer Igor Stravinsky out of town after his debut performance.
    -Mozart was dismissed from his position as a court musician.
    -During his lifetime, Claude Monet was mocked as an artist.
    -Steven Spielberg was rejected by USC film school.
    -The Wright Brothers suffered numerous failed attempts at making a plane that would fly.
    -Henry Ford had five businesses that failed before he started a successful car business.
    -RH Macy had seven failed businesses before he opened Macy’s department store.
    -Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper editor for lack of imagination.
    -Mark Victor Hansen went bankrupt and wanted to kill himself before starting, with Jack Canfield, the Chicken Soup for the Soul series of books (which have sold over 100 million copies).
    -John Lennon was dyslexic.
    -After his first film, executives told Harrison Ford he didn’t have what it takes to be a star.
    -Lincoln suffered from depression and failed throughout his life, until he didn’t fail.
    -Jerry Seinfeld froze during his first performance and was booed off stage.
    -Fred Astaire: “Can’t act, can’t sing, can dance a little,” comments from his first audition.
    -Winston Churchill failed the sixth grade.
    -Colonel Sanders had his chicken recipe rejected hundreds of times before he opened Kentucky Fried Chicken.
    -Helen Keller, well, you know about her.
    -Darwin’s father was very unimpressed with his young son’s intellectual abilities.
    -In his day, Socrates was labeled an immoral corruptor of youth.
    -Oprah Winfrey was fired from her job as a television reporter since she was unfit for TV.
    -Harry Truman went bankrupt before becoming president.
    -Hollywood studios initially rejected Charlie Chaplin as too nonsensical.
    -John Adams, second president of the United States, “The colossus of independence,“who was learned beyond all but a few,” suffered from self-doubt.
    -Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team.
    -Lucille Ball was considered very unpromising by her drama teachers and advised to look for another line of work. Early in her career she was considered a B actress, at best.-Einstein was considered slow as a child. He didn’t speak till he was four. He couldn’t get a job at any university at the time he wrote four of the most important physics papers ever written.
    -Isaac Newton failed at running the family farm before his uncle sent him to Cambridge.
    -Soichiro Honda applied for a job as an engineer with Toyota, was rejected, and was unemployed for months before starting Honda Motor Company.
    -Akio Morita, founder of Sony, designed a rice cooker as his first product. It burned rice and was a total flop.
    LBDDiaries recently posted..He Has a Way With Me

    • Pamela says:

      That’s awesome. So many of those were unbelievable. I want Eric to read these too.
      You rock.
      And please don’t hurt me.
      I promise to finish the sequel before June, b/c that’s when I start my Stephen King/Jodi Picoult cross-novel about Nowheresville. 🙂 And I need you to keep being my beta reader because you’re nice to me. I need Heidi to keep reading and being mean to me. I need both haha.

  8. LBDDiaries says:

    pps – oh yeah, and get out of the thesaurus – conundrum?? querulous?? Cash-strappedness (I know it’s in there)??
    LBDDiaries recently posted..He Has a Way With Me

    • Pamela says:

      You know, I Loved all the synonyms for querulous so much that not only did I use them all in this blog, but I wrote a nonsensical Valentine’s poem with most of them (in couplets) for the Houston Writer’s Guild newsletter. It’s pretty funny. I’lll post it here on 2-14-11. I mean, what captures the spirit of Valentine’s day more than the word querulous unless possibly fretful, peevish, or whiny 😉

  9. (Places hands on hips) snap out of it…,:) I know that tlhere is more to it than that. Be well. You do great things. You are funny, brutally honest, and caring. Trifecta.
    gene @boutdrz recently posted..Sunday evening- in the gym

    • Pamela says:

      Eric would agree with the brutal part. 🙂
      And I appreciate that, from another brutally honest funny person.
      I want to run, dammit. It really helps. But someone just suggested a little titch of SAD (seasonal affective disorder), and I realized that bringing the bicycles indoors, and swimming indoors instead of outside, and shorter days, all that adds up.
      So, the answer to this? I’m just temporarily insane.
      I kicked the bike’s butt last night, and that helped. I’ll do that again today.

  10. Okay. Here’s the thing, Pamela. YOU cannot do this. So many of us look up to you. Reading this therefore, makes us quake in our boots. I am certain it will happen for you—but I don’t have a crystal ball and can’t predict when. You are a PHENOMENAL WRITER. You have a gift. Just because Eric’s gone doesn’t mean the sun has to stop shining. I’ll gladly hold it up to warm you.

    YOU CAN DO THIS.
    IT WILL HAPPEN.
    YOU ARE AMAZING.
    and smart.
    and funny.
    wickedly talented.
    caring.

    I could go on and on.
    But you give me hope. don’t take that away!!!!
    😉
    erin margolin recently posted..The ABCs of a Dream

  11. Irene says:

    Hey, what Heidi said.

    Oh would you stop feeling sorry for yourself??? Geez, mate, you’ve got the world by the balls! This isn’t the first time Eric’s left….c’mon, get on the bike, go for a short jog, make a mess in the kitchen and don’t clean it for a couple days, do something goofy with the kids, geez, what I would do if my husband left for three weeks…..holy shit…can’t mention it here.

    Ok, so you haven’t heard from publishers. You and how many other people? And if you’re like me, you write when you are inspired. When it becomes a burden on your shoulders and a chore, then it’s time to give it a break. And you’re still on break. One day you’re going to all of a sudden get an inspiration to continue the book. The economy is in the toilet, we’re all feeling it in some way or another. It’s ok. No one thinks less of you. Be happy you don’t have a deadline or pressing demand to pump out three or four books in the next two years!

    As I heard a well known Brit celebrity tell another well known Brit celebrity once “Turn that frown upside down”….c’mon…say it..turn that frown upside down….again….turn that frown upside down……
    😀
    Irene recently posted..Just another day in Paradise

    • Pamela says:

      You always make me laugh. It’s a good thing I don’t live in Seattle or Alaska. I think I have the winter blues. SAD. Seasonal whatever it is depressive something or other.
      Turning that frown upside down!
      I biked my ass off last night (or tried to, it’s still there). That helped. Gonna do it again tonight.

  12. Irene says:

    Oh, I have 5 Train Wrecks in que and the 10 people I want to age horribly as well. For you I’ll publish the Train Wrecks.
    Irene recently posted..Just another day in Paradise

    • Pamela says:

      I just went and saw your train wrecks. Courtney Love is the queen of it. Her daughter actually petitioned the court to let her move in with her grandparents. That’s a train wreck! Loved it!!

      • Irene says:

        Wow, when your daughter doesn’t even want to live with you because you’re so skanky, then you KNOW you’re that much of a skank!

        I’ll going to unleash Kate Gosselin today. The 5th Train Wreck. You’re still smiling, right? No need to be sad….come shovel snow with me….we’ll have fun…..

  13. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Erin Margolin, Terri Sonoda. Terri Sonoda said: Feeling rather querulous.: http://t.co/ZHDQuiZ | @PamelotH | This too shall pass my friend. […]

  14. Grace says:

    I get the “I SUCK” disease about this time every winter. Except this winter. Because I now live in Florida, where it’s a little bit warmer and I get more sunshine. I realized a couple of years ago that Seasonal Affective Disorder is real. And I know this sounds simplistic, but a little more vitamin D might help.

    The other thing that will help? Write something you’re proud of.

    By the way, this is coming from someone who has more rejections than you do!
    Grace recently posted..Steamy Seductions

    • Pamela says:

      You know, I hadn’t thought of SAD until you said it. But I’m breaking out the vitamin D. I bet that is a big part of it. I live in Houston, and it’s not like Seattle or Alaska, but it is still not spring and summer awesome. We spend tons of time outdoors on our bikes and swimming in the summer, so to be in the house, in the dark house, well, it has to impact me.

      Thanks for the rejections info — I’m wondering just how many are possible? I’ve only queried one book, and I’m finishing my third. If I did 1000 agents for each, say, that would be enough to wallpaper a room with, I think.

      On to the vitamin D. And good writing.

  15. Dropping by from SITS to say hi !
    Your blog is super awesome!
    Betty Manousos recently posted..The Barbican Love

  16. Heidi Dorey says:

    We could always engage in more mind vomit… 😉

  17. Heidi Dorey says:

    Or here’s a game we could play.

    “It could be worse! You could be….”

    It could be worse. You could think you are using the 5 second rule to your advantage
    but pop a dead critter in your mouth instead.
    It could be worse. You could be married to man who is really a woman.
    It could be worse. You could be a hooker with the clap.
    Oh wait…

  18. Heidi Milton says:

    I think you’ve got the blues, my friend– in a big way. GET. OVER. IT. You’re my inspiration, doncha know? I agree with Heidi (knew I liked her)– make a list of the positive things, tape it to your computer screen, and go do something fun and productive (non-writing) for a few days (when you’re not earning your paycheck). Then get back on your horse. You’re way too stubborn to give up. 🙂

    Shall I send you some of my Nano to take your mind off it?
    Heidi Milton recently posted..2011- Just My Two Cents

    • Pamela says:

      Yes, send me some of your nano! I need things to do related to writing that aren’t writing. I read Stephen King’s Misery last weekend and chalked that up to improving my own writing. But beta reading = perfect!
      Today is taxes day. Think that’ll help? ha ha.
      Biking helped. More biking tonight.

  19. Stopping by to say thank you for following.
    Following back.

    Betty x
    Betty Manousos recently posted..The Barbican Love

  20. Even the perkiest of us have moments like this! Sometimes life just makes us feel querulous! Great post!
    So Very Domestic recently posted..Peace on Earth Recap

  21. If I lived anywhere close to you I’d drive on over and take you out for coffee right now. I would hug you then tell you to keep writing – as you know you must. And tell you to follow up on those queries even though it probably scares the crap out of you to do it.

    I struggle with the writer thing, too. Should I keep doing it? Should I get a “real” job? Why don’t I make much money with my writing? Do I really care if I do? Does anyone care about my writing, anyway? These are the questions that go through my mind on a daily basis. These are the questions that go through the minds of many writers that I know – pretty much all of them. There is a blog I follow, Mother Words (at http://www.motherswhowrite.blogspot.com) that might offer you some comfort. Actually there is one of her posts in particular that talks about what you are talking about – I can’t find it right now but will send it upon finding it.

    You are not alone.
    You are making a difference.
    You are a writer.
    You are my friend 🙂
    Myrna CG Mibus recently posted..30 Days of Snowshoeing

    • Pamela says:

      You could snowshoe down here to get me. Actually, a few hours of enforced snowshoeing might help me. But, it does help immeasurably to banish the alone feeling. To know others are struggling with this constant horrible self-doubt about the writer thing. I don’t think my non-writer friends really understand, altho understand having the blues, they don’t get how you can do something that others think you excel at and still with that depth of personal investment and exposure constantly feel on the ragged edge of a breakdown about it. I may overstate that a bit, but … not much.
      Thank you Myrna.
      You are my friend, too 🙂
      And check back later this week, because a few days ago I wrote a really positive post, and saved it. It’s going to feel funny hitting publish when I’m been indulging in the blues, ha ha.

  22. Rebecca Nolen says:

    I sent Water Moon to the editor who asked for it months ago and I haven’t heard a thing. I know she doesn’t reply to things she doesn’t like.

    So POOOOOP!

    I feel it too. Just thinking this morning that I’ve wallowed around with my two babies for too long. I need to produce another one. I’ve got several more in the petre dish but when I sit down to write – I just don’t FEEEEL it.

    So I know what you mean. I’m there.

  23. Ok – here’s the deal. We’re all allowed to have those days. It’s ok. It’s even expected. Especially considering that your ray of sunshine isn’t going to be around much for the next few weeks…we’ll cut you a little slack.

    But, I’m betting my money on you. In the long run, you’re a good bet. This is a blog that I look forward to reading, each and every day that you post. If we all feel that way about your blog alone, your books have to be great! You can’t stop writing. It’s just can’t happen in this lifetime. Period. We won’t let you.

    We’re all going to stand in your way and stop you from quitting. If you made the decision to quit each one of us would write to you each day telling you to pick up the pen again, because that’s what you would do for us.

    So here’s to a good, swift kick in the rear end…and an end to “those days”…may they not grace your door for another month or two! Hang in there!
    A Mother…Again recently posted..SickAgainle sigh

  24. JennyBean says:

    I feel like the worst blogging friend ever. Sorry it took me this long to get over here.

    It’s cold. It’s January. The days are short. Life is bleak. But spring is coming. You’ve got Eric, your kids, your health, the coolest sheepy PJs I’ve ever seen, and, baby, you’ve got talent. The sun will shine again. I promise.

    • Pamela says:

      Jenn, you rock. (As does Papa, Jax, and Moose, Hyacinth, and the assorted extended motley crue)

      I do have the coolest PJs and family anywhere.

      And I’ll just keep pounding these keys until I get a yes to something. It’s good for finger strength anyway.

  25. Cori says:

    I for one think your jammies rock!

    Hope youre having a better day!
    Cori recently posted..Seahawks- PLAYOFFS BOUND!

  26. Eric Hutchins says:

    The most amazing thing to experience with you in this adventure of you being discovered as a writer (you are, have been, will always be, a writer, its just a matter when the world catches on to that fact) is the people that you have met along the way.

    All you have to do is read through this string and know that you are having an impact on peoples lives (and people, you sure are having a positive one on Pamela and I am so grateful). You make a difference, you make people smile, you make them laugh (often at me but thats ok 🙂 ), you make them cry, you make them think, you hold up a mirror for them to look at.

    For me your strongest writing is when you are cutting loose telling a story that’s only 5% true, riffing sarcastically, self deprecatingly (wow is that a word). It makes me smile from the inside and it is why i am convinced that your fiction, will someday, be a hit.

    • Pamela says:

      IT’S ALL TRUE, MISTER. Or at least 95%. (grumbles: 5% my ASS)

      I love you. You are soooo right about the people. I feel like the readers that “talk” to me are friends now, and they ARE, even though I’ve never met them IRL. I love the ones that email me or send inbox messages on FB, too shy to comment in public, and I love people that I learn have read everything I’ve ever written, and I had no idea, and they recount to me exactly what something meant to them. It is so rewarding.

      The idea that others can learn from my dysfunctional f***-ups! Awesome. 😉

  27. […] house or some other cliche-ridden B.S., and I have just one thing to say about THAT, y’all, as a writer and a […]

  28. Neal Stewart says:

    I noticed that this post was written a while ago. Like a year ago. But I hope things have gotten better. Yeah, starting as a writer sucks for me too. I feel like I am making progress though. Instead of 0 visitors today on google analytics, I have three! Oh YEAH! Eat that Glenn Beck!
    Neal Stewart recently posted..Comcast Programming Guide

    • Pamela says:

      LOL, well I just went out to your blog, so you’re up to 3. When I have a quadruple the hits day, I always press speed dial on my mobile and as soon as the other line picks up, I say, “THANKS MOM!” 😉 j.k.

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