Well, I'd prefer to wear a cute skirt and have long flowing hair and perky breasts, but you get the picture.

Y’all had an assignment last week. Remember what it was?

Hint: a list…things your most beloved ones did right…no looking for the negative?!?

Raise your hand if you completed your assignment.

All you slackers move to the front row where I can keep an eye on you.  The rest of you?  GOOD JOB.  Some of you even took it a step further and applied the concept to treating yourself with more love and kindness, looking for the things you did right.  Yah, mon.  Now, let’s build on the great work you did.

Looking for the best in others is like pushing a RESET button in our opinion of them.  It causes us to view them and think of them differently.  That’s excellent, and it is half the work.  The hard half.  Now for the easy stuff.

Your next job is to harness the power of your thoughts in re-framing how your beloveds think of themselves.  How?  By telling them and anyone else that will listen, over and over, about all the wonderfulness that is them.  Email it, put it in a PowerPoint, say it, sing it, post it as your Facebook status, blog it like Maytina (read it here), tweet it, do it however you want, but just do it, like Nike.

You create the greatest forward momentum with the focus on the positive.  Still, we all know the flip side, the danger of creating the negative by speaking it.  Parents that minimize their children.  Marriages that crumble from the lack of “respect” or too much “nagging”.  Personally, painfully, I can tell you that my awesome relationship with my husband goes through “normal” dips, and that those dips are usually tied directly to one or the other of us becoming too vocal in our criticism of the other, however minor or small our complaints, resulting in the criticized one losing faith that he is a hero in my eyes.  And, yeah, I do it more often than he does.  Pamela, practice what you preach.

The greatest strength, though, is in striving for the positive, not avoiding the negative.  So we shan’t talk about that negative stuff anymore.  Let’s turn our bright and shiny eyes toward the goal: praising.

Examples:

Rhonda Erb told me she had sent her husband a number of cards and funny lists of things she loved about him over the years.  She found all of them, saved carefully and bound by a rubber band, in her husband’s closet.  Now why in the world would he save them?  Aren’t we just supposed to know how someone feels about us once they tell us, remember it, and move on like a mature adult with this certainty intact, instead of demanding constant reassurance like a needy child?

Yeah, right.  Every one of us — EVERY.ONE.OF.US. — has a needy child in there somewhere.  Love means (amongst many other things) taking care of those needs in others.

Last week Heidi Dorey shared that her husband Kim had a birthday coming up.  She wrote her list of everything he did right, and she gave it to him for his birthday.  How do you think he felt?

About 10 FEET TALL.  Like a HERO in Heidi’s eyes.  Don’t believe me?  Read her story for yourself.

How do you think this impacted their relationship?  What would you expect he felt toward her, and how do you think he would act toward her in the wake of this praise?

No, no.  I don’t expect you to answer aloud.  And I’m not even going to spell it out for you.  Just ponder it for a second.

Would you like to make someone feel that way about him/herself and toward you?

If you’ve read this far, I know you would.

So, that’s your assignment.  Make someone else into your hero.  Big ’em up so much that their little hearts burst like Roman candles.  Heck, do it for several people.  Don’t stop until you’re completely out of breath.  It’s like working out — push yourself, and next time it will be easier and you can lift more and run farther.

You’ll thank me for the “exercise” later.  I promise.

Pamelot

p.s.  Once again, thanks to Nan of Little Black Dress Diaries for inspiring this line of posts with her incredible positivity and wonderful email exchanges.

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25 Responses to I can be your hero, baby.

  1. Irene says:

    Is there going to be a test on this?

    Turn that frown upside down….turn that frown upside….oh,…sorry…..

    have you ever thought about being a therapist?
    Irene recently posted..How To Train Wreck 101

    • Pamela says:

      I’m certainly messed up enough to be one. And I’ve seen enough of them: psychiatrist (for depression, which ended when I divorced), marriage counselors (oh so many marriage counselors with husband #1), and child psychologist for behavioral therapy for ADHD with son, child psychologist in wake of divorce to keep a pulse on the kids (they rocked), and child psychiatrist for meds for ADHD son. But if I had to listen to someone bitch and moan like I do, I’d be homicidal 🙂

      • Pamela says:

        And that’s not counting all the industrial psychologists I’ve worked with over the years as a human resources Executive, or the coaching I did in that role either. I used to joke that I needed one of those “the doctor is in” signs from the Peanuts. Ha.
        Pamela recently posted..I can be your hero- baby

  2. Hello! Stopping by from SITS after I saw your comment about comment love( happened to me for ages with SITS and then suddenly righted itself!) I am absolutely enchanted with this idea and assignment. I think that I am up for the challenge.:)
    Annie @ astonesthrowfrominsanity recently posted..Getting Screwed

  3. LBDDiaries says:

    Really, really great post and idea. I have to think on this assignment a bit since Alpha Hubby is busy recouping from a night of… hero worship!
    LBDDiaries recently posted..He Has a Way With Me

  4. Lindalee says:

    Ahh..Pamela once again you are reading my mail! My hubby and I have been having such a rough time lately, not with our relationship thats the only constantly easy, good thing. But our kids, our finances (or lack thereof)and the stress at home is of epic proportion. I think my honey could use a good does of lifting up and I intend to do that ..today.
    Thanks for the nudge! Keep up the good work!

  5. Goooood morning Miss Pamelot, what a wonderful surprise to wake up to this morning. 😀 I am so happy to be included in this post. I am going to take it a step further today and build up my children. I will make sure they are aware that they are each amazing little creatures.
    So Very Domestic recently posted..Peace on Earth Recap

    • Pamela says:

      That’s beautiful! I have been writing “things to thank you for” notes to Eric every day while he is traveling (email), but today I think I’ll do the kids, too. Thanks for the inspiration, Maytina.

  6. An assignment that’s long overdue for me, my friend. My partner deserves a little recognition from me that I’ve overlooked for some months now, in lieu of my self-pity on being unemployed and blah blah blah. Yep, I’m starting my list now. You and Nan just blow me away.

    • Pamela says:

      Nan has a way of chatting with me about things that just stick with me. And I want so badly to live up to my own expectations and make other people feel the way I feel about them. I am constantly thinking about stuff like this. 🙂 I want my husband and other loved ones to never doubt, and to never leave me. Because I have to make up for the times I am difficult. Very difficult.

      Good luck with your list for Joan. I did lists for our 3 kids that still live at home, today.

  7. Eric Hutchins says:

    Pamela does so many things for me I could go on and on about all them them. But the thing that has the single biggest impact on my state of mind, my outlook for the future, my self confidence, and my inner Joy, is that she believes in me, she builds me up, she publicly and privately promotes the things that I do well. When you feel like superman, it is far more likely, that you will act like superman (or superwoman).
    When I know that she believes in me, I feel invincible.

    • Pamela says:

      You do that for me, and more. I almost put the email you sent me last night into the comments before I remembered that oops that is a privacy violation. 😀

      I’m going to make up for this by publishing something a little less flattering on Sunday. Bwa-ha-ha-ha. Stay tuned…

  8. this? is freakin’ fantabulous. my husband’s birthday is on 1/24 and i have got nothing for him. nada. but now? i have a seedling. an idea.

    awesome post, pameloth!
    😉

    xoxoxox
    erin margolin recently posted..Do You Want to Be Average

  9. Robin Dye says:

    This is my favorite post so far! I’m not only doing it, but I’ve shared it with some friends and family that needed a lift! You are amazing Pamela! You’ve always been amazing! (be jealous….I went to jr. high and high school with this woman!) Thanks for the encouragement and for sharing your gifts with others! Have a great day!

  10. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Erin Margolin, Eric Hutchins, Eric Hutchins, Eric Hutchins and others. Eric Hutchins said: Great positive stuff by @pameloth I can be your hero, baby.: http://t.co/ploe01c […]

  11. rtcrita says:

    “Every one of us — EVERY.ONE.OF.US. — has a needy child in there somewhere. Love means (amongst many other things) taking care of those needs in others.” What great words to think about and remember.

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time for me as a reminder that kind words need to be spoken to those we love as well as criticizing ones that might not sound so kind. It’s really hard for me many times, because I am a single parent. Meaning, I have to be the Mom and the Dad, the good cop and the bad cop, the one who praises as well as the one who disciplines. This includes all criticizism that comes from my mouth — even if it’s purpose is to keep my children on the straight and narrow and on the road to a successful(in many ways that don’t just include monetarily)adult life. And because of that, I sometimes don’t give enough praise and I see it in my children’s face.

    And it hurts me to know I may need to back off the criicizism and just give it a break and try a little praise instead. Afterall, they are wonderful kids and do well and don’t give me any major trouble. I need to remember my blessings and this is a great reminder to do just that and one that I am going to immediately put into action right now and do some of the things that I know I need to do to make them feel wonderful and loved and happy! (And I could definitely give a little to myself, too..Lord, knows I need it being alone without a partner.)
    rtcrita recently posted..Guard this Caldo recipe with your life!

    • Pamela says:

      I only know you online, but I think you have very lucky kids. And I hope you find someone who appreciates your awesomeness that inspires you to want to share their life. You are just a beautiful soul. In the meantime, you do the hardest job in the world, alone. You are my hero!

  12. […] inspires me and sometimes makes me chuckle with her writings. You can read her post here at  http://pamelafaganhutchins.com/2011/01/12/i-can-be-your-hero-baby/  I’ve been thinking about that post everyday since I read it.  It’s about one of […]

  13. […] take it a step further.  If I then share the positives I see in him with HIM and with OTHERS, he sees my high opinion of him, he feels awesome, others see […]

  14. […] days, though, I just feel blessed to be with the love of my life.  And grateful that he eagerly confessed to and left behind the spending habits of his past life […]

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