Hey y’all:

Have you ever written something really maudlin and Sylvia Plath-like?  Something so overwrought and  self-indulgent that only 1% of the people who read it even make it through without calling the Suicide Prevention Hotline?

Well, today is your day.

Self portrait of the poet.

I want to hear it.  I want to see it and read it.  Lay it on me.

If you haven’t created such a masterpiece before, then here is your chance to devote five minutes of your day to sucking the life out of others.

LEAVE IT IN THE COMMENTS, PEEPS.

Mine requires a “set up”.

I feel so freakin’ awesome NOW, it should be illegal.  I had a doctor’s appointment last week and in the words of my beloved Dr. Debbie, it is time to “saturate me with progesterone.”  Bioidentical progesterone, that is. And pull me off that awful testosterone, ha ha (testosterone is actually great for energy, but when you’re wound tighter than a clock spring, Just.Say.No.).   Anyway, seems I had messed up my dosage instructions, plus I needed more of this and less of that, plus they informed me I had aged another year (a declaration I disputed), which tends to leak the good hormones out of my body.  Blah blah.  Anyway, over the last six months I had steadily gone downhill, and showed werewolfish tendencies again.  And ignored it without revisiting the doctor.  Hence, saturation.

Well, just let me say that within 24 hours of said-saturation, Eric swore I’d drank from the Fountain of Youth and Eternal Sunshine.  And I saw it, too.  Not only did my natural, “healthy” energy return, resulting in my spending two days on a singing/whistling cooking and cleaning frenzy, but my internal emotional balance magically reappeared.  Here’s the craziest part, though.  I look different.  It took 10 years off my face.  My skin changed color.  The recently-chronic dark circles were gone as if never there.   Something erased the wrinkles from my face.

Think I’m exaggerating or kidding?  Here’s a snapshot of how I felt (green) and Eric’s response (white) from Saturday, when I was in the last 36 hours of what is the very worst part of my monthly cycle:

Well, the breast thing is probably T.M.I., but usually when it happens, everyone in the house should hide because it is the leading indicator of insanity, for moi. Not this month! Whoop!!

Bottom line: YAY!  I am sane again!

But when I wasn’t, I wrote something.  Which is usually better than not writing anything, but not always.  Heidi Dorey voted that I slop it onto the blog and encourage others to expose their mawkish selves, too, so blame Heidi.

With no further excuses, I give you…

Untitled Drivel by Pamela (but please don’t ever tell anyone it was me)

I live in a cage

With no walls

I can see out

Breathe out

(Breathe in)

I am tethered inside

My skin plexiglass

My heart is inside, with me, trembling

I am not alone

It’s in here with me, that IT

It sleeps

Coiled, huddled

But It also wakes

So I am restrained

Because if I could I would run away

I try so hard to run


But my feet can’t take me where I need to go

My fists can’t punch a hole for my heart to escape through

I try

My screams don’t pierce the barriers

My eyes don’t penetrate the darnkess

I try


My tears don’t wash me up and out

Sleep won’t transport me

I try


Somebody please help me

Do you even see Me in here?

HELP ME


It is here

It is awake

I am the rat for its dinner

I am inside It inside the cage inside my mind inside my skin

My words are not my words

Help me, please help me

We can put it back to sleep together

My words are not my words


I am in here, too, somewhere

I don’t recognize my hands

Let’s sing It a lullaby

Hush little darling don’t say a word

No No no NO please don’t

Please, this hurts me worse than it hurts you

You hurt me worse than I hurt you

And I have no antidote


You must sing

I have to f*#@’ing sing

Please, can’t you please help me sing

Don’t you see

You are in a cage, too

Unless we sing the cradle

Into its lazy rhythm

Back and forth


Shhh, be still, don’t say a word

I I move slowly, carefully,

Slimy and cold, a regurgitated rat

I can slink away to a corner

Don’t look at me that way

Please see Me, not It

Not what It made of me

Here in the cage


Here’s to good mental health today (ha),

Pamelot

p.s. Don’t disappoint me…bury the comments in your weepiest moments, my writer friends.


I live in a cage
With no walls
I can see out
Breathe out
(Breathe in)
I am tethered inside
My skin plexiglass
My heart is inside, with me, trembling
I am not alone
It’s in here with me, that IT
It sleeps
Coiled, huddled
But It also wakes
So I am restrained
Because if I could,
I would run away
I try
But my feet can’t take me where I need to go
My fists can’t punch a hole for my heart to escape through
I try
My screams don’t pierce the barriers
My eyes don’t penetrate the darkness
I try

My tears don’t wash me up and out
Sleep won’t transport me
I try

Somebody help me please
Do you even see Me in here

HELP ME

It is here,
It is awake
I am the rat for its dinner
I am inside It inside the cage inside my mind inside my skin
My words are not my words
Help me, help me
We can put it back to sleep together
My words are not my words
I am in here too, somewhere
I don’t recognize my hands
Let’s sing It a lullaby
Hush little darling don’t say a word
No No No NO please don’t
Please, this hurts me worse than it hurts you
You hurt me worse than I hurt you
And I have no antidote
You must sing
I have to fucking sing
Please, can’t you please help me sing?
Don’t you see
You are in a cage too
Unless we sing the cradle
Into its lazy rhythm
Back and forth
Shhh, be still, don’t say a word
If I move slowly, carefully,
Slimy and cold, a regurgitated rat
I can slink away to the corner
Don’t look at me that way
Please see Me not IT
Not what It made of me
Here in the cage

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22 Responses to “Gouge your eyes out” poetry slam.

  1. Pamela says:

    Someone remind me how to do line breaks in html, haha. Kidding. I’m going to look it up myself.

  2. Heidi Dorey says:

    Yeah, I tried to help last time at I went insane for about five minutes.

  3. Heidi Dorey says:

    I have a poem I co-wrote with a friend.
    It wasn’t so much a weepy moment as it was we were bored
    and very bad at writing poetry. But I will share, if that’s allowed.
    (Bad, poetry! Bad!)

  4. Heidi says:

    Also…you should have a contest for Best Title of your weepy poem.

    Here are some…
    “Somebody Kill Me”
    “F*#@’ing Sing”
    “The Rat Inside Me”

  5. Heidi says:

    Okay…seein’ as I’m the ONLY one participating.
    I’ll entertain Pamela with my bad poetry.
    The game was, my friend writes a line, I write a line, until we are done.
    Sadly, we still play this game and we never get any better.

    “They All Lose”

    A swollen raindrop descends.
    It reminds me of my gangrene.
    Hours become my hopelessness,
    As I stab my cheek with a fork.
    My mind clear, my prison revealed.
    How will I peel my dog from the road?

  6. Again?
    “Sorry, but we’re not accepting applications today.”
    Again?
    Don’t you mean you’re not accepting applications from old people?
    Blank stare. Is she alive?
    “Sorry, but we’re not accepting applications today…..maam”
    Again?
    I just saw a guy filling one out. A young guy.
    “Sorry, but we’re not accepting applications today. Have a nice day…..maam.”
    Fuck you.

  7. Leah says:

    Wow! Love it!
    No, Heidi never made me write poetry, although it might be pretty funny if we did…
    I also think F U should be used more often. I can use it as almost every part of speech in one sentence, right Heidi?

  8. Pamela says:

    OK, I’ll post another, but these aren’t gouge your eyes out BY me, but they’ll make you want to gouge YOURS out. I have a couple like this that are really lyrics, I just removed the chorus. Yes, I know how bad I suck. But they’re fun to write and you can’t make me stop. I have several, here is the first.

    I stumble out of bed
    You hand me coffee on the stairs
    I go to do the laundry
    …but you’re already there
    I say I look like crap
    You stroke my face and touch my hair
    You don’t even look surprised
    When I jump you then and there

    (chorus skipped so no one will laugh any harder at me than they already are)

    Other men bought fancy dinners
    And gave me lingerie
    you are much more suave
    than to seduce with chardonnay
    you protect me from the wolves
    and keep the kids at bay
    when I want to write and sing
    you make it all ok

    (chorus)

    I think you had this planned all right from the start
    You knew how to make me crazy and you took me all apart
    You’re gorgeous sexy baby but that ain’t what makes me start
    I want you need you gotta have you love you are my heart

    (chorus a few times)

    {p.s. Eric and I play together (he plays bass and guitar, I sing and play keyboards, and we seriously need a drum machine), and we toy with song writing. 🙂 Someday maybe we’ll record some of this shyte}
    Pamela recently posted..“Gouge your eyes out” poetry slam

  9. Irene says:

    Geez, maybe I should have my hormones checked. I so related to your first poem Pam. Not a good sign.
    Irene recently posted..Wheels

  10. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by PamelaFaganHutchins, Terri Sonoda. Terri Sonoda said: “Gouge your eyes out” poetry slam. http://j.mp/e9D1Sf via @AddToAny | @PamelotH […]

  11. Eric Hutchins says:

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
    (the second one)!

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