Your choice — see the positive or see the negative — the #30positivedays challenge with Nan and Pamela continues.  Eric and I had a GREAT week, with it.  Saturday night we dined at a little French restaurant smack in the middle of beef country USA, aka Nowheresville, TX. The proprietress and our waiter commented to us as we walked out, “So nice to see a couple holding hands.  Quite a contrast to the couple at the table next to you.”

The couple next two us didn’t speak the entire meal, except to the waiter, and then only grudgingly, because they were both absorbed in their own smart phones.  And they ate their beef rare, which grossed me out.  I imagined I’d smell cow poop any minute, it was so fresh.  I digress.  Back to the phones.  Maybe that sounds like a perfect Saturday night out to you, but to me, that would stink.  I want my partner 100% absorbed in us.  I want a conversation.  I want to hold hands.  I want, yep I do, romance.

Monday we went to the post office to mail our taxes.  Yeah, speaking of romance, right?  Anyway, that was our lunch date before I flew out to Tampa for work.  We were standing in line, and an adorable little old lady behind us peered at us over her half glasses with the slide-over sunglasses lenses and said, “You are the cutest couple, it just makes my day to see you.”  We thanked her, told her how long we’d  been together, and then she said to me, “Honey, you are so lucky, because he looks at you like a newlywed.”  Cue the puke sound track.

The power of positive, folks.  All I’m doing is telling my husband the truth, but I’m focusing on the positive, and my focus not only determines WHAT I see, but it shapes how he acts back toward me. So, if you’d rather play with your smart phones, whatever you do, don’t take on this challenge.  I’d rather overlook my husband’s frog obsession and snuggle nose to nose.

We’re hearing some great stories on twitter of people embracing the challenge in how they interact with their kids, too.  Don’t save all the good stuff for your sweetie, spread it around the family, it works wonders on all relationships.

Before I share our week-o-love, please head over to read my Clark Chronicles post this week, Mr. Roboto.  Drop a comment/tweet/share it.  Browse Penny’s wonderful site/community for ADHD parents while you’re there.

Here it is, in all it’s glory, the He Said and the She Said of it:

Day 8:

@trimon29 #30positivedays Day 8:@PamelotH stretches me, challenges me to be smarter, better, makes me think, makes me take care of myself.

Day 8, #30positivedays: Eric Hutchins/@trimon29 has amazing, sculpted cheekbones. I know, not everyone is into cheekbones. I just love his. 🙂

Day 9:

@trimon29 Day 9 #30positivedays @pameloth is able to enjoy a rundown trailer in the middle of nowhere with the hum of a generator and a barely working potty.

‎#30positivedays, day 9: @trimon29 is a very patient stepfather, trust me, THAT BOY Clark can wear you OUT!

Day 10:

@trimon29 #30positivedays Day 10 @pameloth Holds my hand in public.

‎#30positivedays, day 10: @trimon29 cleans up all bodily fluid pet messes & deals w/bugs & rodents. This makes me very happy.

Day 11:

@trimon29 #30PositiveDays Day #11 @pameloth fiercely protects her parents, brother, and children. If she cares abt u, she has yr back.

@pameloth #30positivedays day 11: @trimon29 is a buyer of tulips. For me. 🙂

We had one of our normal bicycling “date nights” this night, but did it via texting & pictures as we were in two different cities:

Eric and I are on a bicycling date. He is in Houston and I am in Tampa, but we r texting and sending pictures. :). Hot and sweaty takes on a new meaning.

19 hours ago via iPhone · Friends and Networks · ·

Day 12:

@trimon29:#30PositiveDays Day #12 @PamelotH Though she has always known that her beauty captures a lot of attention, she is modest & without conceit.

‎#30positivedays day 12, @trimon29/Eric Hutchins is a meticulous date planner, complete with colored-coded folders, google maps, & timelines. Well, he IS an engineer, after all.

Day 13:

My new one (I’m posting a day early this week, so this is only day 13):  My husband Eric is the amazing sender of SMILE messages.  I’ll share just one as an example, but he does this frequently (several times a month), under the theory that he  “promised to be the one to make her {me!} smile every day for the rest of our lives”

—–Original Message—–
From: trimon29
To: Pamelot
Sent: Tue, Feb 22, 2011 10:18 am
Subject: Smile

 

We have each other to hold
We are happy
We are working
We have a nice place to live
We have wonderful parents
We have kids that for the most part are doing well 🙂
We are healthy
We are dancing
We own 15 acres in a wonderful place
We have a plan
We have a future
We have a wonderful today
We have love
We have trust
We have friendship 

I love You

 

Eric

 

 

 

Alright folks, there you have it, role modeled for you, but baby steps is all it takes.  You can do it!

Here are the other brave souls joining us in the challenge, daring to buck the popular trend of husband/wife/partner/kid-bashing:

My Inner Chick

Julie C. Gardner

Two Normal Moms

Wild Child Mama

Eric Hutchins: my husband, occasionally blogs here under pressure from me :)

A Stone’s Throw From Insanity

Little Bitty Things

Little Black Dress Diaries

Our Side of Paradise

Blue Cotton Memory

Momma’s Soapbox

Savor the Ride

LLM Calling

Myra CG Mibus — Idyllwild

There are other participants who wish to remain anonymous, as well as people I suspect are participating but afraid to say so.  Bwack bwack bwack…that’s my chicken noise for ya.

Wanna play? If so, I’ll add your link to the list.   Here are the rules for the sandbox:

Say something nice to and about your partner every day for 30 days. Praise her, encourage him, spotlight her best traits, tell us your favorite things about him.  In order for your participation to count, you need to

a) Make your proclamation 100% positive, no BUTS, HOWEVERS, or ON THE OTHER HANDS

b) You can’t ask for anything in return

c) You must make him or her aware of it each day

d) You also have to make sure you make at least one additional person aware of it each day

e) You need to either link to Nan’s or my blog, or send us an email, or comment to us on Twitter (#30positivedays), Facebook, or one of our blogs, so that we know you are participating and we in turn can send positive thoughts your way (the more of that coming at you, the better, I always say)

You may tell them why you are doing it, if they ask.  You may do it for more than one person, if you’d like (but Lordy I hope you don’t have more than one partner, or that may defeat the idea of intimacy we are trying to achieve here!!).  If you don’t have a partner, per se, you can select someone else important in your life for the challenge, too.

Keep it positive and between the lines, friends —

Pamelot

p.s. Guess what? I love my Newton’s (running shoes).  Plantar fasciitis-suffering readers, email me if you want to know more.  Or if you just want to run faster.  Ann Brennan turned me on to them.  Whoot!

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27 Responses to What’s it gonna be, whatcha gonna see?

  1. Oh girl! I sooooo needed this pick me up post as I am failing miserably with this challenge. I posted about it today.

    Also considering jumping on the twitter wagon so I can get some positive vibes for the remainder of this challenge.

    Thanks for the pick me up post! I’ll keep plugging away over here.:)
    Annie @astonesthrowfrominsanity recently posted..Day 11 of 30 and Its Not Going Too Well

  2. LBDDiaries says:

    You guuuyyyyys! You’re making me gag here, in a good way, of course! I loved his smile message; that’s so romantically gaggy! Isn’t this fun? I really am amazed how it is as intimacy-inducing as our intimacy challenge was – that was a wonderful surprise to discover. On a serious note, I am honored to be your e-friend and am so glad we started these Challenges. Thanks for doing this with me, and for making it fun!
    LBDDiaries recently posted..30PDC Days 9-12 Love Does Not Hurt

  3. LBDDiaries says:

    OH WAIT! I just realized that I can do the positive thing with you, too! I like how Pamela is supportive of other people’s writing, building them up and being a cheerleader. She is one of the most upbeat and positive persons I know. Her heart is as beautiful as she is, and her passion for her husband is so amazing in the times we live in where most women verbally bash their mates. She is an encourager and a fantastic writer (loved Leaving Annalise). My favorite thing about her is her wicked sense of humor, and that she can laugh at herself. Although she is only an e-friend, she’s a darn good one to those she allows into her life!
    LBDDiaries recently posted..30PDC Days 9-12 Love Does Not Hurt

  4. I concur with Nan. Just copy her stuff about you and paste it right here —->>>
    You rock Pamela!

    Oh yea, I forgot the “awwwwwwwwwww” for all that mushy stuff up above.

  5. Heidi M says:

    You are so right — positive is CONTAGIOUS!! The gentleman from Serv-Pro cleaning up our basement flood remarked that I had the “best attitude” of anyone he’d ever come across in that situation. He was responding to my comment that all the fans, dryers, and dehumidifier created a lovely white noise. He went about his day with a smile. 🙂 So did I.
    Thanks for sharing this, P– an important message in this age of perpetual distractions and the pitfalls that whittle away at the integrity of relationships. Rock on. 🙂
    Heidi M recently posted..Celebrations

  6. Ridgely Johnson says:

    ditto on the great friend Pamela is ;-). love the cross-country date
    Ridgely Johnson recently posted..Walk Down the Weekend Red Carpet Ode to the Legend 4

    • Pamela says:

      I am so blessed, b/c I really have made true friends through writing and being present online. Thank you, Ridgely, for being one of those at the tippy top of the list!

  7. Eric Hutchins says:

    What is amazing to me is the doors that get opened for YOU by being positive about OTHERS.

    What I mean is that initiating positive may sometimes be difficult, but positively responding to positive ( 🙂 ) is easy. And that fact is that you don’t just reap what you sow, sometimes you reap 10 times what you sow.

    When you plant a seed of positive, when you compliment someone else, the returns you get for it are often so much greater than what you put in, in the first place.

    Man I had a hard time making this come out in a way that makes sense. I hope its understandable.

    The point is, sometimes the best thing you can do for your own self esteem and happiness, is to be positive to OTHERS.

  8. Oh no. You helped me to see that my huz and I are becoming THOSE people. The ones who focus more on their smartphones than on each other.
    So, I am SO jumping on #30PositiveDays. Starting now. Excited about it!
    Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..ReadySet

  9. JennyBean says:

    This is sooooooo out of my league.

    🙂

    • Pamela says:

      You and Papa get an official pass.
      But you can say nice things to the little Beans and watch them sprout.

      Did you know my youngest step-daughter goes by the name Bean?

  10. julie says:

    You know I’m IN with the positives. Your dinner story reminds me of an evening about four or five years ago (getting old, Julie?)

    We were stuck in Albany because our flight to LAX had been canceled due to bad weather in NY (shocking).

    Our family (little kids, tired parents, travel-delayed) got a hotel and walked to the local Outback Steakhouse for dinner.

    We were polite. We smiled. We said please and thank you. Our kids were decently behaved. Nothing extraordinary, I assure you.

    When we got the check, our waiter said something along these lines:

    You are the nicest family I’ve ever had the pleasure of serving.

    Ummmmmmm what? I am not saying this to pat myself on the back. I assure you our family merely acted in a civil, decent, friendly manner.

    The nicest family EVER?

    Holy crap there must be a lot of people acting miserably out there.

    But thankfully? You and I and OUR people? Are not among them. Carry on, friend. xoxo
    julie recently posted..Today call me fathered

  11. Ally says:

    Okay, here’s mine – my hubs always tells me positive things about my physical appearance. Usually I brush him off, roll my eyes, whatever. But I realized that those compliments DO make me feel good, and I wasn’t sending enough his way. Amazing how far it can go when I simply tell him I think he’s the most handsome guy in the room! So in addition to telling him how much I love or appreciate things he does and who he is, I’m also throwing in some physical compliments, as well! Not shallow, just true!

    Now about those Newtons… okay, I’ll be emailing you!
    Ally recently posted..Deuces- TMI- And Toilet Paper

    • Pamela says:

      Physical compliments from ms have a profound impact on Eric. Good for you! It’s reminding them they’re the whole package.

      Email me 🙂 the Newtons are great.

  12. This is sooo inspiring! And I admit that IT WORKS! I know I haven’t been 100% fulfilling my duties everyday but it has actually been a relief to let go of some of the petty things I sometimes hold over my hubby’s head. Just by seeing his amazing character I think I have changed something in our relationship. Our friendship. Faith renewed. Not that it was ever that “bad” but we have been very distracted with work, phones, TV, kids. Seeing the positive!! I love my guy!
    Wild Child Mama recently posted..Apron Give Away Winners!

    • Pamela says:

      I love that this is working so well for you! It is easy to get complacent and look for the negative, to forget that the petty annoyances mean nothing, that they are still the fabulous partner you’d die without, and oh man the power of making them know you feel that way, of being made to feel that way. It’s a drug 🙂

  13. SuzRocks says:

    So I’m late into the game- and I’m really bad about doing anything for days in a row. But I will try to do it on a regular basis. It took me a few moments to see what was written in the mirror.
    SuzRocks recently posted..I&8217m Pretty Much Famous Now&8230Or Something

  14. […] A POSITIVE FEELING ABOUT HIM IN ME.  Wow, hmm, full circle again.  Read the previous posts (here and here) on this topic for […]

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