How’s the weather out there?

There are days when the universe hums along, powered solely by the projection of my heart’s energy.  Truly, it does.  I can feel it.  My heart is that damn happy.

There are days when the world is silent and the sun doesn’t show me its face.  If it was me that powered the universe before, it is me that fails it now, and brings the fog, overcast skies, and odd thunderstorm or two.

Ah, the difference between a day when all is right with my husband, versus one where we’ve lost our couples-mojo, temporarily.

Through both kinds of days, I cradle one thought in my hands: “the relationship is the most important thing“.

Why? Because I know how easy it is for me (for you?) to look for someone else to blame for those gloomy days.  If you gave me a minute, I could write you a list of negatives about my husband to rival the list of positives, and he about me.  We are human.  And we know each other very well.  I would scan the list and say “YEP, #12!  Therefore he is an asshole and this tropical depression is all his fault.”  I would feel vindicated and justified, for a moment.

But I won’t do it.

It’s not his fault.  I make the choices for me.  What to say, how to act, how to REact, even how to think.  Definitely what to believe.  What to expect.  What to DEMAND, of others and myself.

I chose him.  I chose to commit to him.  So today and everyday, I choose to honor him.  I choose never to bitch about him behind his back (and I haven’t, not one time ever, may lightning strike me dead this moment if I’m lying).  I choose when to ignore the important truths: he loves me, he wants the best for me, he has bad days and slips from his Prince Charming behaviors but still loves ME, despite my occasional impersonations of the Wicked Witch of the West.  When I ignore the truths, when I choose to start my thought process by consulting the list of negatives instead of the list of positives, then the dark “tornado watch” day is no one’s fault but my own.

So here we are, at day 21 of the #30positivedays, and how have I done?  How have we done?

I think pretty darn good.  Aaaannnnnnddddd we got sideways once this month, not a hurricane but more like one of those water spout twister-y things, and I had to choke out the positive message on twitter like a bone from the throat as did he, without even talking about it at home (which is the fun part), so that kinda doesn’t count, does it?

Except that I believe whole-heartedly that when you do the behavior, the attitude follows.  Did I feel a slight warming in my North Pole heart when I read his words?  Well, yeah, I did.  And that sparked a fire that managed to melt the ice chamber.  So he didn’t waste his time, and his positive words…HE CREATED A POSITIVE FEELING ABOUT HIM IN ME.  Wow, full circle again.  Read the previous posts (here and here) on this topic for more about why I love this challenge.

Instead of giving you my list of “he said/she said” from the last week, I will tell you this:

My guy rocks.  He is a blessing beyond compare.  I live under sunny skies with a whisper-soft breeze.   And, because we care so very much about protecting this love, the forecast looks pretty bright as well.  Bonus:  this creates a wonderful environment for the rest of the household and those around us, too.

Above: Nice words about us after a tweet-up this week, one where we were told, “You’re like the most famous couple on twitter [slight exaggeration!], and I can’t believe you guys are for real.” Me either 🙂 But we are. (Click to enlarge, use the back button to return)

See below for guidance and the other participants for the challenge.



Here are the other brave souls joining Nan (of Little Black Dress Diaries) and I in the challenge, daring to buck the popular trend of husband/wife/partner/kid-bashing:

My Inner Chick

Julie C. Gardner

Two Normal Moms

Wild Child Mama

Eric Hutchins: my husband, occasionally blogs here under pressure from me :)

A Stone’s Throw From Insanity

Little Bitty Things

Little Black Dress Diaries

Our Side of Paradise

Blue Cotton Memory

Momma’s Soapbox

Savor the Ride

LLM Calling

Myra CG Mibus — Idyllwild

There are other participants who wish to remain anonymous, as well as people I suspect are participating but afraid to say so.  Bwack bwack bwack…that’s my chicken noise for ya.

Wanna play? If so, I’ll add your link to the list.   Here are the rules for the sandbox:

Say something nice to and about your partner every day for 30 days. Praise her, encourage him, spotlight her best traits, tell us your favorite things about him.  In order for your participation to count, you need to

a) Make your proclamation 100% positive, no BUTS, HOWEVERS, or ON THE OTHER HANDS

b) You can’t ask for anything in return

c) You must make him or her aware of it each day

d) You also have to make sure you make at least one additional person aware of it each day

e) You need to either link to Nan’s or my blog, or send us an email, or comment to us on Twitter (#30positivedays), Facebook, or one of our blogs, so that we know you are participating and we in turn can send positive thoughts your way (the more of that coming at you, the better, I always say)

You may tell them why you are doing it, if they ask.  You may do it for more than one person, if you’d like (but Lordy I hope you don’t have more than one partner, or that may defeat the idea of intimacy we are trying to achieve here!!).  If you don’t have a partner, per se, you can select someone else important in your life for the challenge, too.

Published by Pamela

edit biographydelete Biography Pamela writes overly long e-mails and the What Doesn't Kill You romantic mysteries from deep in the heart of Nowheresville, TX and way up in the frozen north of Snowheresville, WY. Pamela is passionate about hiking with her hunky husband and pack of rescue dogs (and an occasional goat and donkey), riding her gigantic horses, experimenting with her Keurig, and traveling in the Bookmobile.

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  1. Oh this is so perfect. We had a slight… meltdown the past couple of days, too. And yes, it was a challenge to think right thoughts, much less NOT mutter under my breath the grrr thoughts I was having. But the nicest thing of all? It was over with SWIFTLY and didn’t drag out until there were icicles hanging off the bedroom door and walls. I immediately thought of the Challenge we were doing which reminded me of all the things that are right about him, and all those trumped whatever pissy fit I was having.

    1. Us too. Today Eric tweeted as my day 21 compliment, that i “live life with passion.” Ha. That means passionate up, passionate down. All the colors. Sometimes he loves this trait less than others, but he always shows me loves ME. But it’s no coinkydink that is what he posted Today! (We call that trait passive-aggressive seeing the bright side; the tweet made me laugh)

  2. Love the feets picture! Very clever! I’ve been seeing some of your mushy tweets come across and it warms my heart. Loving someone enough to do the work of making sure they know is what will keep it alive, interesting and passionate. Just my opinion. Way to go all you lovers out there!

  3. HAH, I HONESTLY had that passion tweet already in the queue but it sure did fit. AND it is a positive thing, and it is wonderful about Pamela. She does not go through life moping and flopping and saying things like I don’t care. She usually does, A LOT…. 🙂
    I really really like this blog, I loved how introspective and bring it all back to the core. Being responsible for our thoughts and actions.
    It really makes the reader turn inward (at least it did for me)
    It also makes me respect you even more as a writer for capturing it.

    1. You’re laying it on thick right now. I GOT A REJECTION ON ONE OF MY NOVELS TODAY FROM AN AGENT. Eric found out at 4:20. He made this comment at 4:44. 🙂

      Thank you honey.

      I’m not going to jump off a bridge.

  4. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who rides my broom around sometimes! I so love how you talk about dealing with anger and frustration in marriage – and point out that it’s a choice on what we do with that anger and frustration. I used to meet with a bunch of older ladies for coffee in the church to find what kind of appropiate expectations I can have out of my marriage (my parents were divorced – so I needed some wisdom). I remember asking, “Do you still get mad at your husband?” – And all these beautiful, Godly women laughed – because they still do.

    Totally impressed your husband’s doing this with you!!!

    1. Oh, I love that story! Yes, I believe it is about our choices and how we act, not about WHETHER we get angry, because…we are human. I don’t trust people who tell me they never get upset 🙂

  5. I forgot to mention that when you said, “I choose to honor him. I choose never to bitch about him behind his back (and I haven’t, not one time ever…” – that is THE whole point – you make CHOICES. Most people just let fly, choosing to focus on the bad in their mate. They never admit that it is their own choice; they’re rather blame him as in, “Well if he’d ONLY do such and such…” and never ever believe you when you point out it was their choice to focus on what he does do wrong. I think that it is a very self-centered thing. You never realizes that when you are pointing your finger at him, three fingers are pointing right back at you!

  6. There was never a doubt in my mind that you two are for real! I don’t believe there is any couple that can go 30 days with getting a little sideways. Hell, TJ and I could barely go 48 hours, but it didn’t mean we weren’t in love. We had mutual respect for each other’s bullheadedness, we spoke our piece and forgot about it. We moved on. That, is the true test of a relationship….moving on after a disagreement.

    1. I agree — the true test of a relationship is moving past a bad moment. And, passionate people are passionate. Not just REALLY REALLY happy or REALLY REALLY motivated or any other REALLY REALLY, they are all the REALLY REALLY’s, so you have to anticipate that there will be disagreement and be smart about moving past it.

  7. we’re always having our ups and downs- I somehow can go from wondering what the heck I’m doing with him to looking him and wanting to cry because I love him so much- I so when things are bad, I think about those times and know it’s going to get better.

    1. Passion, baby. Passion. The ups are high, the lows are low. Eric and I call our relationship our crack teddy bear. When one of us takes “it” away, we react like crack addicted kids. “Give me back the good stuff NOW!!!”

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