Hallelujah everybody say "Cheese!" Merry Christmas from the Fam-uh-lee-ee.

Just a few highlights from our family gathering over Christmas — think of us as “classy trashy,” k?

***

Cooking in the kitchen with my mother, my grandmother, my sis-in-law, and my daughter:

GiGi (my mom): Susanne, do you need a rubber?

Susanne (14 yrs): Uhhhh

GiGi swears she meant spatula.  Spatula/rubber, easily confused, right?

***

5:00 a.m., pitch dark, in the Quacker at Nowheresville:

Eric: I just took some Sudafed.  Do you want some?

Pamela: Yes, thanks.

(Eric hands Pamela 4 little pills, which Pamela examines by the light of the iPhone screen before consuming)

Pamela: Honey, are these pink?

Eric: They’re not red?

Pamela: Nooooooo….

Eric:  What are the pink pills in the medicine bag?

Pamela: Well, TWO of them are a full dosage of ‘women’s overnight laxative.”

Eric: SHIT!

Pamela: Yeah, for real. At least you won’t be stopped up on one end. 

And he wasn’t; he carried a roll of TP to good use all day.  But he seemed a little emotional to me.

***

Before family pictures on Christmas Eve:

Pamela: Let me put some moisturizer on you, Honey.

(Eric presents his face obediently)

Eric:  It burns.

Pamela: You always say that.  Hello, sun screen.

Eric: No, it burns, really.  A lot more than usual.

Pamela (laughing):  Oh no, I forgot to wash the Icy Hot off my hands before I put on your moisturizer.

Eric spends the next 5 minutes scrubbing his face, which was pink and shiny for the pictures, anyway.

***

As my brother, a Lt. Cnl. in the Marines, was making stuffed jalapenos:

Brother: Eric, I don’t want to make this awkward or anything, but when I’m done making these poppers, can you remind me not to scratch my balls?

Eric: (long pause) Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without you, Colonel.

In the interest of brevity, I have limited “the Colonel” stories to one.  Trust me, he’s fodder for a whole Encyclopedia Britanica. 

***

The perfect song for us; enjoy:

And a happy flippin’ New Year, y’all!

Pamelot

p.s. At least we didn’t shoot skeet while drinking Bourbon Hot Toddies this year.  And nobody gave or received a Hooter’s t-shirt.  By past standards, this Christmas was practically boring.

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21 Responses to Christmas memories, from us’n’s to y’all.

  1. Terri Sonoda says:

    I don’t know which was funnier, the video or all the funny things that happened to ya’ll (yea I say Ya’ll. I’m from Georgia). I swear that video reminded me of home for sure. And? I want to hear more about the Colonel! I’m ex-Air Force and love a good Colonel story or two. Good stuff. Sounds like a wonderful Christmas was had by all. Thanks for sharing Pamela!
    Terri Sonoda recently posted..Brain dumps can be painful

  2. Pamela says:

    He managed to say “we’re having a 3-way over here” as we bowed our heads to pray, which made me bust out laughing, and caused my grandmother a great deal of consternation. Yes, he is one story after another.

    We love him.

    Happy New Year, Terri
    Pamela recently posted..Pre-menopausal holiday letter.

  3. Eric Hutchins says:

    Man the laxative thing was rough. Who would have thought there would be two different types of medications in the bag that were in punch out packs of small red-ish colored pills!?! I will NEVER ever again worry about turning on the lights and waking up Pamela in the middle of the night.
    I am happy to report that this particular product works really well, In case anyone needs a recommendation.

  4. Ally says:

    These are the stories great families are made of. Your brother sounds like a crack up!

    Your title made me laugh – my husband got a gift with a tag on it that said, “From: Us All of Us” We laughed and wondered if that was the proper northern opposite of the southern all y’all. But I like us’n’s!! 🙂
    Ally recently posted..A Greeting For You

  5. Jennifer says:

    Redneckidness rules!

    Poor Eric. What a good sport. If he gets hot flashes he can use the Icy Hot?

    Merry, merry!

  6. laura j. says:

    Cracking up at the product confusion! Poor Eric. Reminded me of a few months ago when I got a roll-on bottle of Icy-Hot mixed up with my deoderant. Ooh yeah, that was fun!

  7. Eric Hutchins via Facebook says:

    There was a LOT of material for you to work with this weekend!

  8. I finally quit trying to keep track. Another gem that comes to mind is the Colonel asking Susanne if she knew how babies were made, and her response was “Of course, that’s why GiGi offered me a rubber.” Such pride. Quick wit tho.

  9. I’m liking Susanne better and better – this is one smart chickie!! Promise me you will make a – at least once a month – blog post just like this with your stories. This was THE best breakfast present to start my day – hands down!! I’ll be snickering all day.
    nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..I Love How He Loves Me (Redux)

    • Hmmm, I should say that I’ve always liked Susanne (that sort of sounded like I hadn’t). And snickering does NOT mean breaking into Leland’s office and stealing his Christmas Snicker candy bars. NO it does not. What? What chocolate? No that isn’t chocolate on my lips and breath. Why do you ask?
      nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..I Love How He Loves Me (Redux)

      • Pamela says:

        Yes, you can snicker and I know, Susanne is growing up a bit and becoming funny. She and the Colonel were two peas in a pod. The kids adore him. What’s better than having a hero-uncle who is completely socially unacceptable and politcally incorrect?
        Pamela recently posted..Pre-menopausal holiday letter.

  10. —OMG,
    Love those Christmas sweaters. Oh, Myyy.
    Your family sounds crazy like mine.
    I like that 🙂 X
    My Inner Chick recently posted..I Want To Tell You

  11. Sandy Webb says:

    Oh hell! Poor Eric. I am so glad to not have to spend Christmas with family any more….hanging with my friends provides enough humor and no frustration. Hope y’all had a great Holiday!!
    Sandy Webb recently posted..When Kind Words Are Spoken

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