It’s all we need, right?
Love. Love. Love.

We just made it through another Valentine’s Day, where a young boy’s heart naturally turns to, what? Love, right? Well, sort of. Theoretically. For some young boys, love looks and feels differnetly, though. Take my ADHD Wonder-son who we call “Clark Kent,” for example. He’s in his junior year of high school. He thinks about love. He even has love, or something like it. He has dated the same sweet neurotypical girl for over a year.

But the form love takes when practiced by an ADHD teen doesn’t look like the love I, as a non-ADHD person, remember feeling, or that I do feel for my gorgeous husband Eric even now. To me, young love is urgent. It is all-consuming. It makes you do crazy things. Operative word? DO. As in “take action.”

That’s where my son differs so much from my experience. Clark is completely happy in his 4-second window of life; the past is gone, the future doesn’t exist. Anything that enters that window and stays with him is awesome. But if it’s not there, then he really doesn’t miss it all that much. Maybe a little. If his girlfriend texts him and asks him to miss it, for instance. As in, if she texts and says, “Look, here I am, and I’m not with you.” Then he misses it. He continues playing FIFA Soccer on the Xbox with a smile on his face, but he kinda sorta misses her. Things might be even better if she were here. She’s not though. And he’s still happy. He doesn’t need to DO anything. It’s all good.

Sometimes they ride to school together. Her sister drops her at our house before 7:00 a.m. Eric and I aren’t always dressed and out of the bathroom yet at this time. She rings the door bell in the dark. Surely Clark is up and will answer, I think. Surely he knows when she was due to arrive. The doorbell keeps ringing. She weighs 90 pounds sopping wet, and I can’t take it any longer. I sprint to the door in my half-tied robe and let her in.

“I’m sorry. He’s not awake. I’ll get him,” I apologize. She and I have had this exchange before. We have it most days.

She settles in happily, making strawberry icing doodle-art on the toaster streudels. I stomp up the stairs where two alarm clocks blare over Clark’s snore.

***

Catch the rest of It Is Love, Actually over on {a mom’s view of ADHD}, and please leave a comment while you’re there.

Ciao,

Pamelot

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13 Responses to It Is Love, Actually.

  1. When it IS love, he will open the door. Believe me. You need to read my post how to know when it’s “The Girl!” It is so funny how they bring these girls into our lives – and we have to love them because they might be “the one” and when they aren’t, I am the only one who misses her! LOL These boys – they take us for an awkward ride at times!
    Blue Cotton Memory recently posted..Sitting in the Stairwell: Vintaging the Past

    • Pamela says:

      Oh, I’m going to go find it now.

      Yes, I worry about these girls (and the boyfriends of our daughters). We adopt them, we care, we try not to care overmuch, but we care. How long are they here for? No one knows for sure… 🙂

  2. No, there shouldn’t be an apostrophe before the “s” in mothers. *sigh*

  3. Susie says:

    Clark has made so much progress this year but no one said he didn’t have anything left to make progress on!!!! Love that young man!

  4. I used to have lots of crushes as a young girl. I ended up broken hearted so many times in jr. high and high school and always wondered why boys didn’t like me back. Then I had a son and completely understand, boys are clueless! So far mine hasn’t noticed girls. We have one little friend that obviously likes him and he is so clueless. I am really dreading this stage with my children.
    Julie (@MomCycFan) recently posted..Newsflash: Man Flu puts Training to a Stop

    • Pamela says:

      I went through the same thing. I found out years later that the objects of my adoration adored me back, but could they do anything to show a flicker of interest? Nope. And my poor little bruised heart, ugh!

  5. Eric says:

    I must admit from my own experience at 15, boys ARE infact, pretty clueless at this point in life :). However, Pamela’s points in this blog are still spot on, there is something different with regards to Clarks approach (or lack of) that is consistent with his other behaviors.

  6. Eric Hutchins via Facebook says:

    This was such a good blog

  7. Eric Hutchins via Facebook says:

    It really was, I know I am biased but you can just feel love for Clark and the hope and prayers that he finds his way. great stuff.

  8. Maryann says:

    It probably isn’t love after all… there are too many distractions these days… the TV, video games, you name it. Take away all that ‘noise’ and maybe love will blossom… But there’s no hurry I guess, not yet anyway. Now if Clark becomes a thirty something man still living at home playing X-box while his girl is competing for his attention – then it is time to woory 😉

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