How it looks IRL.

Hey y’all: this isn’t really a “post” per se, but the publication of the oft-requested Relationship Operating Agreement that Eric and I live by.  Feel free to adopt/adapt your own with ours as the model.  We weren’t born this smart, either; we adapted it from the fabulous one you can see online here.

The (Exceptionally Wonderful) Marriage of Pamela and Eric Hutchins

Mantra: Make it all small stuff.

 Our relationship’s purpose is to create a loving, nurturing, safe environment that enables us to

  • make a positive, joyful difference in each other’s lives,
  • respect each other’s needs and differences,
  • encourage each other’s spiritual, emotional, and physical needs and development,
  • practice caring, open communication,
  • role-model loving relationships to our children, and
  • work as partners when we parent and make major decisions.

 Because we recognize that life is not always about the incredible highs, we are committed to these strategies:

  • Stop, breathe, and be calm.
  • Allow ourselves to cherish and be cherished.
  • Be positive. Assume a positive intent and give a positive response. Speak your mind as positively as possible.
  • Be reasonable. Am I being oversensitive? Am I dragging my own issues in unnecessarily?
  • Be considerate. Is there anything to gain from what I am about to say? Is this the right time to say it?
  • Be respectful. Don’t mope, don’t name-call, don’t yell, don’t be sarcastic.
  • Be open. Explain your intent.
  • Be present. Don’t walk away, physically or emotionally.
  • Be aware of time and energy. After 60 minutes, stop talking. Schedule another conversation for 24 hours later if there’s no resolution.
  • Make it safe to cry “calf rope.”
  • Be  it. Do the behaviors you’re seeking in each other within an hour of the first conversation.
  • Be loving. Don’t go to bed angry or with things unresolved.

Eric asks of Pamela

Pamela asks of Eric
  • trust  and have faith that I love you, enough that we don’t have to solve  everything the second it happens
  • assume  a positive intent
  • listen, don’t interrupt
  • don’t be sarcastic
  • come back to me faster and don’t drag things out, because I need you
  • speak your mind assertively, and don’t be sarcastic
  • don’t assume the actions I take are always because of you
  • assume a positive intent

Enjoy!  Feel free to contact me directly if you have questions.

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